Cheers? Man Refuses To Have Alcohol At Wedding, But His Fiancée Thinks Nobody Will Have Any Fun Without It
A couple's wedding planning took an emotional turn as the groom's desire for a dry wedding clashed with the bride's concerns about guests having fun without alcohol.
The Internet has weighed in on who is in the right in this argument.
Weddings Are Full Of Drama
When planning a wedding there are a million different things you have to worry about. The venue, guest lists, catering – there are a bunch of moving parts to keep track of that you and your future spouse might disagree on.
One of those parts is whether or not to provide alcohol, as one woman discussed on Reddit.
The Problem, Explained
"My fiancé doesn't drink, and he never really gave me a reason why; he just said he doesn’t really see the purpose in alcohol or other substances and stuff," the woman began her post on a subreddit designed to determine who's in the wrong in a situation.
"But it has never been an issue."
He Hadn't Been Judgemental
The woman stated that her husband-to-be had never expressed a problem with her drinking or with people drinking around him in the past.
"He has never judged me for drinking, and he is the type of person who can have fun sober," she wrote.
It Came Out Of Nowhere
The drama started when the wedding planner showed up.
"Our wedding planner came to our apartment today to ask for details for our wedding, and my husband told me and her for the first time that he doesn't want alcohol at the wedding," she wrote.
The Bride Was Blindsided
"This came as a shock to me, but I just told the wedding planner to hold off on that so me and my husband could discuss and plan other things," she wrote.
Then she took it up with her husband.
His Surprising Revelation
"I asked my husband why he doesn't want alcohol there, and he said there was no reason, and I said if there's no reason, then we’re going to have alcohol there," she wrote.
"Then he told me his mom is an alcoholic, but she has been nine years sober."
His Mom's Involvement
"I asked if his mom asked him not to order alcohol, and he said no, but he doesn't want her to feel triggered," she continued.
"I have noticed that his mom doesn’t drink, but I thought it was a family thing."
His Mother's History
"I have attended multiple family functions, most of which had alcohol present, and I have never seen her take a sip," she wrote about her future mother-in-law.
"I think that just speaks to her self-control."
She Didn't Ask
The woman confronted her future husband.
"I told my husband that I don't think his reasoning is valid and brought up how he is going out of his way to do this when his mom didn’t ask him to and that she has amazing self-control."
He Got Upset
"He got upset and said I was not giving him any say in our wedding and that if I couldn't even listen to him about this, then I should just plan the wedding by myself and have fun going to the wedding planner by myself," she wrote.
She was not happy with that response.
Is She In The Wrong?
"I feel like he is only thinking about himself; my family is big on drinking, and they are obviously going to want to celebrate me. Plus, we want a really fun reception, and I'm not sure if we can achieve that without alcohol," she wrote.
She left it up to the commenters to decide if she was in the wrong.
Commenters Were On Her Side... Mostly
"He should have told you before about his Mum before now, there sounds like a lack of trust there, which you need to ask yourself why he couldn't tell you," one wrote.
"On the same token, you sound like you have a problem with alcohol if you think a dry wedding won't be fun," they added.
His Secret Past
Someone asked the bride what she knew about her future husband's childhood, and the answer was shocking. "He doesn't really like talking about his life before he was 17; he told me he likes to forget it even happened," she revealed.
"I don’t know much about then, but I know that he has forgiven his mom for her mistakes."
Hiding His Scars
"He told me once that if he reminisces his life back then, then he won't have in him to forgive his mom, so I just don’t push about his childhood," she continued.
"But I think he was physically abused because he has cigarette scars and something that looks like a belt scar."
People Defended Her Husband-To-Be
"I'm getting 'child of an alcoholic' vibes from this, not ex-alcoholic vibes," one commenter wrote. "Speaking from experience, that kind of thing messes up a person's relationship with alcohol."
"I never partied much myself, and being somewhere with a lot of drunk people has the potential to make me feel unsafe."
His Communication Skills Need Work
"He's not doing a good job of communicating that, so his fiancee doesn't understand why it's a big deal," one commenter wrote.
"This is definitely something the couple needs to be able to work through before they get married."
Some Called Him Unfair
"I get that maybe he wanted to keep his mum's privacy, but it's unfair to make big decisions about a shared thing like the wedding without making clear why," one user wrote.
"He acted like he was neutral about alcohol, but he actually has very strong feelings about it, as well as likely a lot of trauma."
Some Thought He Needed Therapy
"I rarely drink; my fiance rarely drinks," one commenter wrote. "I don't see an alcohol-free wedding as the worst thing in the world. But I see it as a much bigger issue that he wasn't able to discuss why until he felt forced to, and still isn't happy to confront this issue."
"It sounds like he needs therapy."
Anti-Dry Wedding?
Some of the commenters felt the idea of a dry wedding was similar to hosting a "daycare," but others defended the concept.
"Genuinely if anyone cannot go x amount of time without alcohol and/or needs alcohol to 'have fun,' there’s an underlying issue that’s being ignored," one user wrote.
Is Booze A Must-Have?
Many agreed with the bride-to-be's sentiment that the wedding would not be fun without alcohol.
"People are oddly attached to having champagne to toast with, and a majority of people won't feel loose enough to dance without booze," one commenter wrote.
BYOB
"I'm not saying that's right, but people are super weird about dry events," they continued.
"Guests will definitely bring their own flasks, so there's very little likelihood they can actually force the event to be a dry one."
It Divided The Comments
"I don't think it’s just about the bride in particular. I’m a wedding photographer and have attended more weddings than I’ve kept count of," one user shared.
"Ever been to a dry wedding? It’s a considerably stiff affair compared to boozy weddings."
Some Felt Very Strongly
"Dry weddings are boring, and no matter how much certain people in these comments protest, no one actually has fun at a dry wedding outside of maybe the bride and groom," one user wrote.
"There's nothing enjoyable about wearing restricting attire and sitting through an hour of the same biblical readings and corny vows."
Who Hits The Dance Floor?
"I'm someone who loves to dance, will dance up a storm sober, and in fact often doesn't drink at events anymore (as I've gotten older, it tends to not be worth the hangover)," one user wrote.
But they were still not in favor of a dry wedding.
It's Important To Let Loose
"If everyone was like me, dry vs. sober wouldn't make a difference," they continued.
"But the fact is a lot of people won't let loose without at least a little alcohol, so my experience at sober weddings is I had a lot fewer people to dance with!"
Others Brought Up Wedding Length
"I have no stance on this couple but expect a dry wedding to be short unless the guests are teetotalers," wrote one Reddit user.
"Not because 'people can't spend one measly evening sober.'"
A Booze-less Boring Affair
"But because guests not in the inner circle will be subject to long stretches of boredom," they continued.
"Stuck at the venue for hours among lots of strangers."
In Defense Of Dry Weddings
"We have attended dry weddings before and still had a good time. Being drunk is not the be-all and end-all," one commenter wrote.
Other commenters debated the validity of requesting a dry wedding for someone's sobriety.
Who's Responsibility Is It?
"My family has a history with alcoholism/drug use," shared one user. "It is NEVER the responsibility of anyone except the alcoholic/user to control their urges and to abstain from relapsing."
"This is not a cut & dry situation, future husband needs to discuss his issue in more depth so that his future wife can understand fully, and he needs to understand that it's not just HIS day," they continued.
What Do You Think?
Is the groom in the right to demand a dry wedding for the sake of his mother, or is the bride in the right to insist on having alcohol as an option for those who want it?
Or are the commenters right in that this is a decision they need to come to together?