Why Chemistry Doesn’t Always Mean Compatibility
Romantic movies and love songs have convinced us that in order to be in love, you have to have those insane fireworks that make you totally obsessed with the person, like you couldn't imagine living without them and all you want to do all the time is make out with them.
The truth is that looking for that kind of chemistry and using that as a guide to who you do and don't date could actually be really hurting your love life. Having chemistry with someone doesn't mean they're going to be a good partner.
You Know Nothing About Him
Let's be serious. When you meet someone and feel that instant "connection," what is it based on? It's based on how attracted you are to that person, which means the only thing you really know about them is that you want to jump their bones.
There Is A Good Chance It's Just Lust
There is nothing wrong with being in lust with someone as long as you know that's what it is. Being super attracted to someone isn't the same as being in love with them. We all have an Achillie's dick, just don't let yourself fall victim to one.
Some People Just Make Great First Impressions
Some people are just super charismatic and give off this vibe that they're feeling it, when really, that's just the way that they are with everyone. When someone is nice to you, it doesn't always mean they're into you.
Chemistry Is Just That...Chemistry
At the end of the day, humans, like all other species, have biological impulses that we fall victim to. When you're super into someone without knowing much about them, it's probably because you like the idea of them putting a baby in you...literally.
Sexual Chemistry Can Be Addictive
Strong chemistry actually comes from hormones and endorphins, which make you feel like you're riding a high. Because of that, those feelings can become addictive. How often have you felt like you "can't quit someone"?
Your Common Sense Goes Out The Window
When you're totally wrapped up in your feelings for someone you have wild chemistry with, a lot of your common sense goes right out the window. You start making excuses for why things are looking like they're going to be a trainwreck.
You're Probably Ignoring Some Serious Red Flags
Without that common sense, you're going to end up missing red flags because when you've got those rose-colored glasses on, those red flags are just going to look like flags. It's hard to be reasonable when you're in deep.
Chemistry Fizzles Eventually
The reality is that when you're with someone longterm, you're going to see them change, and age, and gain or lose weight, or have to support them through a bad haircut. Are you still going to want them as much if the way they look changes?
It's Possible The Spark Is One-Sided
This is one of those things that we all fear but don't really want to acknowledge. Just because you're totally crazy about someone and want to get down and dirty with them, it doesn't mean that they're feeling the same thing.
You're Going To End Up Let Down By Your Expectations
There is a good chance that if you end up pursuing someone that you felt those fireworks with, you're going to end up being let down because that person isn't going to be able to live up to the expectations you've built up in your head.
You're Not Giving Other People A Chance
When you're only going after people you have that spark with, you're not giving people a chance who might be a more compatible partner. Love doesn't only feel one way.
You're Likely To Repeat Past Mistakes
In fact, if you keep chasing that feeling of va-va-voom that you've experienced in the past, then you're probably going to end up falling for the same type of people time and again, and chances are those relationships all ended for a good reason.
Chemistry Is Not Compatibility
This is really what it all comes down to. Having insane chemistry with someone does not mean that you're compatible longterm. You can't build a relationship with someone when the only thing you've got going is how much you're attracted to one another. That doesn't mean that you're not going to last, but it is a wake-up call to make sure there is more there.
Step Out Of Your Feelings A Bit
I know that it's really hard, but you've got to step outside of your feelings and be logical about your feelings and who you are pursuing. Talk it out with friends, keep a journal, or even consider discussing these things with a therapist.
There Are Other Things You Should Be Looking For
Not every relationship you're in has to be one that you think could end in finding your forever person. But if that is what you're looking for, there are more important things than chemistry you should be looking for.
Do You Have Similar Values?
Are your values the same? Do the same things matter to you? Are you going to be able to make big life decisions together and be on the same page when you do?
Do You Feel Comfortable Around Them?
Do you feel like you can really be yourself around them? Can you be the person you are when you're not putting your best foot forward to try and win someone over?
Do You Actually Have Things In Common?
You don't have to have everything in common, but there have to be things that you can build some kind of intellectual relationship that is going to keep you going after that spark eventually dies.
Can You Talk Openly With This Person?
Do you feel that this is someone that you can have serious life talks with? Can you share your hopes and secrets with them? Do you want to gossip with them about your friends and family?
You Can Have A Great Relationship If There Aren't Sparks Right Away
Having that spark with someone is great, but it can't be the only reason you're into someone. That emotional connection takes work, and, at the end of the day, it's just as important if not more so than the physical one.
